Adam got me a card for Mother’s Day and wrote me a beautiful, amazing love letter. Part of the letter read “To see you as a mom has been one of the most pleasantly surprising experiences…”
I sputtered and choked when I read that line. I WAS DYING!!
But yeah. Agreed.
Totally!!!! I’ve never ever been a girl who dreamed about being a mom. Or a wife. I kind of just wanted to read books, take pictures, and be independent my whole life. I never, ever aspired to be a wife or a mother. I was never into dolls, babysitting, or paying any attention to babies and children. Even my mom has made comments about how she thought I’d never have children simply because I’ve never expressed interested in anything remotely maternal.
Adam used to express his deep, deep, DEEP concern when I was pregnant with Finley that I wasn’t going to want to get up in the middle of the night to take care of her because I love to sleep and am a grump when anyone wakes me up. He was amazed (and still is) when I hop out of bed when Finley cries. It must be biology! If I hear (or even THINK I hear) Finley in any kind of discomfort or distress, my heart rate shoots through the roof and I HAVE to run to her. Going back to sleep isn’t an option! And I am highly aware of how fast time goes by and I know this is all so temporary! She won’t be a teenager who cries out for her mom (but if she did, I’d be there as quick as my cold sleepy feet could take me). I’m soaking all this in!
I knew a girl in high school who said all she wanted to be when she grew up was a housewife. A HOUSEWIFE. Oh man. 17 year old Sara was like “Um, LAME! That’s ALL you want to be?? Maybe keep that to yourself because that’s a really lowly aspiration.” (I was really brutal back then). But I had never heard anything like that before. The word “housewife” still doesn’t stir up strong positive emotions, but I totally get the whole “home making” thing. Especially as someone who moved every 2 years their whole childhood and never had the feeling of coming “home”…I get to make a HOME for Finley (and her siblings) to grow up in! They’re going to make messes here, make memories, have friends over, fall down the stairs (our stairs are so slippery–everyone falls on them), learn how to cook, learn how to do laundry, colour on the walls (hopefully not though). And one day, when they move out, they’re going to come HOME and it’s going to look and smell like HOME. That’s huge!
It’s like my boy CS Lewis once said,
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career. ”
And I have the best of both worlds because I’m wife-ing, mom-ing, home-making, AND I get to work doing what I love (in case you weren’t aware, that’d be PHOTOGRAPHY.)
It blows my mind how much I love, love, LOVE Finley. Like, I love everything about her. Her teeth, her giggles, the way she says nods her head yes so very seriously, her mean mug facial expressions, her dirty diapers, the way she dances in her high chair, when she puts her head on my shoulder, that “mama” was her first word, the way she twerks (she has never seen anyone twerk before, and yet she someone knows how to do it!), etc.
Almost every night, after she’s been in bed about an hour, I’ll look over at Adam and say “I miss Finley. Think I should go wake her up?”
(Heads up though, I’ve done that once or twice, and it never ended well. Homegirl likes to stay in bed once she’s down for the night. Live and learn!)
She woke up crying last night, which very rarely happens, and I got so excited to go in and snuggle her and cover her in kisses! She’s getting so dang big (and so is my belly) and it’s hard to fit her in my lap and I’m trying to get all the hugs, kisses, snuggles, squeezes before she grows another millimeter!
And now I have this new baby that spins around in my belly and I just think it is THE BEST THING EVER.