Having the Cops Called on Me at Cracker Barrel

Apr 3

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I can, with a huge grin on my face, honestly say that I have had the cops called on me at Cracker Barrel. For real. This happened several years ago, when I headed in to Cracker Barrel with some friends. Walking from the parking lot to the front door, I saw my friend Logan’s bike leaned up against a post outside. Logan loves Cracker Barrel’s Broccoli Chicken and would sometimes ride his bike to the restaurant to pick up a to-go order.

Seeing his bike there gave me an idea! A glorious and hilarious idea! …I would move Logan’s bike down a few posts. That way, he comes out to where he left his bike, but it wouldn’t be there. It seemed like a mild joke, because all he would have to do is look around and he would find his bike just a few feet away from where he left it. No harm done.

I immediately took action and grabbed his bike and began to walk down, past the iconic Cracker Barrel rocking chairs.

A man jumped up from a rocking chair and shouted “Hey, where do you think you’re going? That’s not your bike!”  Surprised, I turned my head to check out the middle-aged man who was defending Logan’s honour.
“It’s okay,” I assured him, “this is my friend’s bike and I’m moving it as a joke.” Thinking that would satisfy him, I kept walking with the bike in tow.
“No,” he insisted, “Put the bike back. That’s not your bike.”

“No, no, you don’t understand. I am the owner’s friend. This is a joke and this is funny,” I emphasized the last word in a desperate appeal to the man’s sense of humour. I explained to him that I was only moving it down a few feet, and my friend would be right out to have the joke pulled on him. At this point, I had walked the five steps to where I leaned the bike, and to where the joke would take place.The dude would NOT let up.”I’m going to call the cops if you don’t move that bike back,” he threatened. Thinking that was absurd, I called his bluff and refused to move the bike back. I remember repeating “You don’t understand; this is FUNNY.”My nemesis pulled out his cell phone, his crazy looking eyes daring me.

I simply leaned the bike against the new post and told him I was going in to eat dinner, and NOT to move the bike back.Sure enough, when I went inside Cracker Barrel,  there was Logan at the front counter, picking up his broccoli chicken.  I had to explain to him “So…I was trying to make a joke on you and I moved your bike out front and now the cops are coming.”

My joke was ruined. Logan went out front and told the joke-ruining-red-neck vigilante that it was okay, I was his friend, and that it was a joke. But the guy wouldn’t have it and so Logan had to tell it all to the cops when they arrived. What a waste of police time and what a ruin of my joke!


comments +

  1. David Bishop says:

    There are those in this world who would rather frown that smile. They would rather dump ice cold water on an otherwise lovely moment of comedy. They would rather pucker their ______ rather than look at a cute little pixie girl smirking her way into a friend’s heart with an innocent lark and realize that’s what they were probably like about 1000 years ago before they submitted themselves to a humor-ectomy. I’m with you, kid. Keep it up. Never grow up. There’s no fun in it!

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